Self-Reflection and A Forgotten Letter From the Past

The Gifts of Self-Reflection

December is a time of letting go. The year is unfolding itself like the petals of a peony. I am taking a moment of self-reflection to pause and admire the process.

It feels like life is in full bloom. The challenges of this year have moved me in many unexpected directions. Yet, looking back everything is as it should be.

This time last year things were different. I felt uncertain about my identity, my career and my path.

It is amazing to reflect upon the changes a year can bring. When I feel unsettled I find it hard to stop and reflect. Yet, I see myself clearly reflected in the current that moves me forward when the waters are calm.

Reflections From the Past

I have been taking the time to sort through my belongings lately. I feel the need to pause and reflect upon each item I find. There are many reasons I choose to keep items from my past and each one tells a story.

I found a note folded up inside of an envelope. It was from several years ago when I was making the decision to relocate from overseas back to my hometown.

Many of the decisions I made at that time felt terrifying. Life was forcing me to make choices that would change the trajectory of my life. Thankfully I can look back and know I made the best decisions.

How Self-Reflection Guides Us

I was in therapy at the time and working with my counselor to find the best decisions. I felt scared and untrusting. The funny thing is, I knew exactly what I wanted.

All I needed to do was trust myself.

Today, I met with my current therapist. In the course of our session she made the comment, “You know Olivia, you are so good at trusting yourself to make decisions.”

I have learned by repeatedly jumping off the cliff of unknowns and diving deep into my heart that I can trust myself.

At first, it feels like the jump might break me. Instead, after repeated trust falls I have learned my instincts always know there are gentle waters awaiting my landing.

A Letter from the Past (2018)

There is a gentle whisper in my life telling me to let go. Yet, it becomes drowned out by the chaotic screams telling me to hold on.

In this moment my thoughts are clear. “Be careful,” they caution. “To Resist change is to resist life.”

We cannot fear change. We must accept the tide of life. It takes courage to risk getting lost at sea.

My life is a screaming baby longing for the comfort of its mother. When will I allow myself to run to the comforts of home?

My career is an unruly teenager always wanting the next best thing. My relationships are, at worst, a toddler with growing teeth and a fascination with the word “No.”

This life is nothing less than gentle magic. A labyrinth of flower petals and spoken word. A blessed night and a sacred morning.

There is dandelion dust on my fingertips. I have blown wishes into the wind. Children dance in the breeze. I dance under the sacred cascade of the moon.

In this moment, I am powerful enough to sit in my shadows. My intuition tells me I am surrounded by divine light. I am brave enough to face the demons with angel’s wings casting shadows on my back.

I am an uninhibited woman screaming, “I am not afraid!”

My womb is a ribcage of unborn dreams and awakened gifts. Childless mother who instead gave birth to herself. First from her mother and second from her own soul.

Each time I sob at the pains of labour. Yet, naked and unafraid I embrace the world once more.

I am wishes blown into the wind.

I am a woman manifested from the dreams of children. Born of the womb of mothers; born of the womb of the world. I shall be reborn.

How Self-Reflection Guides us Towards Truth

I have learned through trial and error that my instincts are seldom wrong. Even when life redirects me towards something unwanted I later find it was what I needed.

Life is a harsh mother. She tells us to listen through gentle encouragement. Yet, if we do not listen she will not hesitate to redirect us.

When I was a teenager I always yelled at my mother, “You never let me do anything I want!”

Yet, what I wanted and what I needed were very seldom aligned. My mother was not the mother I wanted; nevertheless, she was the mother I needed.

Whichever way we choose to go our mother will be there gently nudging us towards truth. We can either choose to listen to the pull of our intuition or face a harsh redirection when we attempt to go our own way.

Pause and Trust the Process

Now, my therapist challenged me with my next task. She asked me, “How might things have been different had you known last year where you would be today?”

Well, I would have allowed myself to relax. Those worries that rolled around in my head would have dissipated.

I would have sought contentment where I once allowed dread. Instead of regurgitating unprocessed emotions I would have sat in stillness and listened to the truth my heart.

What would I have done differently? Exactly what I am doing now.

A Letter to My Future Self

I do not know you yet but I sense you. You are the woman I wish to become.

Your resume does not define your success. Your wealth does not determine your worth. Others do not dictate your path.

Instead, your presence is palpable. There is a stillness in your movement. Contentment resides in your bones.

You trust yourself. Others can sense this about you. There is a certainty in your gait.

Truth resounds from your bones. Your ribcage expands with the breath of life. Inspiration moves through you.

A Letter to the Reader

It is time to turn this process into your own creation. Take a moment to pause. Give yourself the gift of self-reflection.

Ask yourself these questions:

• Where was I a year ago?

• What would I have done differently if I knew what I know now?

• Where would I like to be one year from now?

Start with your last question. Become the person you want to be a year from now. Always make sure you are moving in that direction.

Intuition is your guide. Truth is your map. Self-reflection is your light.

Conclusion

I hope this blog post shed light on your truth. It is incredibly important to learn to trust yourself. However, it takes time.

For more insight into the process of self-reflection read this article: The Elements of Self-Reflection.

For the encouragement to live your truth, read my article, You Start Living Your Truth When You Stop Comparing Your Life to Other People’s.

Curious about how belongings influence your life? Read my article, The First Place to Start the Letting Go Process.

Lastly, learn how the moon can assist with self-reflection. Read my blog post, The Spiritual Significance of the Moon Phases.

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This article was written by Olivia Lynn Schnur.